My new life.

You know what?

I'm almost done with high school... that means I never have to go back there ever again.

And I am going to college, in Seattle to be exact.... which couldn't be more amazing.
I'm so excited to get out of here, and start my new life.

:)

I still have not been sleeping too amazingly.. but I'll get over that in time.
My new place is pretty much awesome.... and my bed is perfect for 2 people.

Over the last few days I've been hanging out with some new people (as well as Kristin... duh). And they pretty much kick butt... last night was... interesting to say the least..

sooo... things are good.... life is nice.. :)

Please...

Seriously... this is a beautiful thing..

lets all go to the pity party :) I'm sure it will be a good time..

that is one thing I will never miss.... among others.

So far things are going alright.... they would be better if I could actually sleep at night (it's been 3 days now), and if I had all of my stuff.

actual text message:
"So i like how you are out with another Boy Already..probably cheated on Me with him too..well now i Am Mad and i Am burning All your stuff"



Moving on.

I went and got some more stuff from my mother's house... to bring here.. I saw my little brother.. and he was adorable.... and I miss him a ton..


boo.

Days go by

So I broke up with John

Shocking eh?

Well.. it hadn't been going well for about... well a long time.... and it had to be done, I just kept putting it off.

I am an insanely private person... and that's just who I am in my real life.... I'll tell you just so much, and then the rest is mine to keep.
I am INSANE about people going through my things... don't do it, and we wont have problems...
Sounds easy enough?
not for JOHN

I stopped being able to trust him not to go through my things..... and he was never sorry for looking through my phone... he even called my voicemail and listened to those.... that is grounds for me never talking to you again... but for some reason... I stayed with him.

He never let me hang out with anyone, convinced that I would not be able to stop myself from fucking them or something..... idiot.

So last Saturday (it's Tuesday today) we got in an argument.. and he decided to threaten to break up with me or something... (please...) "This isn't working Dan" was his usual way of trying to get me to apologize for things that I didn't do wrong.
Well.... yeah, it wasn't working... so I broke up with him, packed my shit, and left....

Stayed at a random place for the first night...

and now I live here..

My room is big... I have a huge closet... the bed is huge...

but..

My bed is too big, this house is too quiet.... the sheets are too perfect.. the pillows are too soft.... I haven't slept for two nights...
All I need is someone to sleep next to me...
So the hunt is on.

Frustrated

I can't believe she's going to college there.

That place, just isn't her.... it's just not. I KNOW who she is, she LOVES God... I love that about her, she is never ashamed or embarrased to give her opinion about religion... I admire the love she has for God, I admire the fact that she goes to church so much, and I love her morals...

But this place just IS NOT HER...

no movies? what the hell is that, I'm pretty sure if God was here, He would let me watch movies, He would let her wear pants, He would let her hilight her hair, He would let her hold my hand in public, He would let me stay with her

He wouldn't care if she pierced her ears, and He wouldn't care if she had tattoos... He would see how much she loves him, and how much she believes, and how much He is a part of her life...

She is going to change.... she is going to leave me to go to this place... and she is going to change everything about her, all of her little quirks that I love are not going to be accepted there... she is going to be a different person..
and I, I am going to be the same..... and when she comes back, she won't like me, and I won't like what she has become...
She'll pity me for being who I am, and she'll think I am not worthy
and I'll pity her for changing everything about herself... just to fit in

I can't believe I'm losing her forever.