just a boy.

i'm a boy...just a guy

and well,
i happen to like other boys..
not boys
boy
i happen to like a boy

i like the way his hair swirls
on the back of his perfect head
resting softly on his dark pillow
as he sprawls across his bed

i like to watch him when he's eating
i like the way he chews
i like it when we play silly games
i like it when i lose

i like the way he smiles so wide
so charismatic, bright
he fits so perfectly by my side
when i hold him in the night

i like the way my heart feels
that when i see him, it skips a beat
i like every one of his ticklish toes
on both of his ticklish feet

i like to giggle when we're in the shower
because he always drops the soap
i like the way he helps to calm me down
i like the way he helps me cope

i like the way his kisses taste
halfway through the day
i like the way he holds me close
and keeps my fears at bay

i like it when we make cookies,
and eggs, and toast, and fries
i like that i trust him even more
that, to him, i'll never lie

i like that when i speak to him
my voice gets soft, and warm
i like the dreams i have of us
while i'm sleeping in my dorm

i like that he can be so goofy
i like his silly faces
i like that he'll still kiss my cheek
and hold my hand in different places

i hate it when we get into fights
about silly, trivial things
i hate it when we don't speak
and the fear and pain it brings

i hate it that he's far away
but in comparison, so am i
i hate the empty missing him
i hate to wonder.. why?

but every time i wonder.. why?
my brain gives me a shove
and i remember all these things i wrote
i remember we're in love.

emerald.

life is hard.

i get really stressed.
so much happens around me that i am unable to control.
i don't like feeling like my life is out of my control

school is frustrating..i hate chemistry with a passion
i have so much i have to do
and no one realizes it.
no one.
i just want people to understand
that i'm overwhelmed.. constantly

i want everything to work out
to calm down
for me, to just relax

he's beautiful.. as usual
and he's the one thing in the world that.. i could not live without
but he's not here.
and he won't come here.
I'm trying to be a really good boyfriend.
doing everything i've never done
but.. it's just not enough

enough... what is enough?

maybe i just don't know..
but i want to.. i want to.
i take it all to heart.. and i change it
at least i try
he's the one.. THAT one.. i know it
every inch of my body feels it
so it's worth it.. to me

but i'm so lonely without him.

this body
is killing me.
i'm slipping.. again.
this strive.. is so hard to endure
painstaking...
it's never-ending
i convince myself of the reasons
but i lie to myself.....
and myself believes me.



but oh, i can dream...
of a life in this emerald city
with him.