emerald.

life is hard.

i get really stressed.
so much happens around me that i am unable to control.
i don't like feeling like my life is out of my control

school is frustrating..i hate chemistry with a passion
i have so much i have to do
and no one realizes it.
no one.
i just want people to understand
that i'm overwhelmed.. constantly

i want everything to work out
to calm down
for me, to just relax

he's beautiful.. as usual
and he's the one thing in the world that.. i could not live without
but he's not here.
and he won't come here.
I'm trying to be a really good boyfriend.
doing everything i've never done
but.. it's just not enough

enough... what is enough?

maybe i just don't know..
but i want to.. i want to.
i take it all to heart.. and i change it
at least i try
he's the one.. THAT one.. i know it
every inch of my body feels it
so it's worth it.. to me

but i'm so lonely without him.

this body
is killing me.
i'm slipping.. again.
this strive.. is so hard to endure
painstaking...
it's never-ending
i convince myself of the reasons
but i lie to myself.....
and myself believes me.



but oh, i can dream...
of a life in this emerald city
with him.